I began school again therefore haven’t had time for my blog. Well here i am back again trying to get things off my chest while trying to help others not feel so alone in their pain.
So i previously mentioned i was sexually abused by my uncle.I still need to press charges on this guy, his probably hurt someone else by now and its all my fault because I am delaying the process.
I have this weird thoughts and feelings in my life.
I want to be abused. But I’m so scared of being abused.
Please beat me up and fuck me, then leave me in the corner to cry.
Shout at me and toy with me, I am a nothing, u can do what you want to me. I welcome all kinds of treatment.
You can call me crazy and other names. You can break my soul over and over, let me live in a dark place with you. The light is too far gone, it’s so far I’m not sure I’ll make it to a better life in time.
I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be misunderstood. I don’t want secrets and pretenses. But being this way makes me feel like I got things under control.
I just want to be alone, constantly abused, forever forgotten.
My demons, my chaos, my life
I’m sitting in my room. It’s boiling hot. This fucking summer heat. I don’t switch on the air conditioner. I like the feeling of my body fluids running down my neck. My hair is sticky, my t shirt is off and I’m rubbing my nipples. It feels so good. I feel so good. Dammit I need to get these pants off. I slide my hands under my underwear. I start off with a gentle massage. Then go quicker and quicker. Fuck! I love you. I love it when you touch me like that. Sometimes I think of you and all I want to do is see you again. I want to see you every time we fuck. I want you to be with me, like the very first. How you taught me. You taught me so well. You knew me so well. You dirty fucking devil inside my head. You planted your evil inside my head. I’m just like you now. In dire need to be abused, to abuse. Fuck you! I’m rubbing harder and harder. I am you.
Ahhhh yesss yes yesss! The climax! It’s perfect. I waited all day for this. I stick my fingers in and come two more times. Thinking of you. You make me come.
I am the survivor, you didn’t do anything to make me who I am or did you? You’re worse than my molester. You fucking useless piece of ignorance. Careless and fucking heartless. It’ll take me to kill someone. Then fuck them. And then kill myself, for you to notice the monster I am. I keep telling you. I kept telling you. But nothing. No remorse. So sure of yourself and our lives. You make me sick. But don’t worry, he made me sick too.
It’s like he turned me into a vampire…
To be continued next Monday.