Bi Polar is like schizophrenia?

 

A deeper Look

I have found according to research found in recent scholarly articles that they cannot find the cause of bipolar disorder. Studies showed that a bipolar person is not bi polar due to their circumstances. However, a person’s bipolar may flare up due to unstable living conditions such as, abusive parents or socio-economic status or alcoholic/drug addict parents.

Further research shows that bipolar is a similar case to schizophrenia. That is, schizophrenia and bipolar are most likely due to genetics. I know that they have recently found the specific gene that makes someone schizophrenic, and can perform an operation to remove this gene. If they had the gene to remove bipolar, if the ’genetics theory’ is true, would you give up bipolar?

I find it’s as if you removing a part of you. Well if I was schizophrenic than definitely, that’s a lot harder to live with. But regarding bi polar? Than you may as well call us all sheep. I think the medication keeps us sane and yet capable of being different all at once. But then again I have only been on medication for about 4 months. I haven’t even had a relapse as yet.

Everything I look at is the colour red. My peripheral vision is absolutely blur. Im focused on my target. I zoom in like it’s a videogame and analyse:

Pillow. Soft. Indestructible. Safe. Bang! I hit my fists against it. No satisfaction, I try hitting harder over and over again. No satisfaction. I need to ruin something, disintegrate parts of the earth. Make sense of our worthless existence. Make sense of the fact that death means nothing. Living is worse. But why would we still choose it. Why don’t I ever die?

BREAK THE F!*@EN WORLD!! Running around in circles in my room. I have no idea where to go and what to do. I cannot cope with being me, I desperately need freedom. Like a bird in the sky, or a wild wolf on the prow. ‘I’m going to hurt someone, I’m going to hurt someone’ I repeatedly say in the back of my mind as I try to think of a clever way to ruin something on this earth. The most fun is always people. They somewhat easy targets, but they’re the best, because they’re a challenge. Psychological and philosophical theories put in to practice by me.

My life is like a page out of Charles dickens books. Grey c obblestone and dark mist. A world filled with abuse, pain and unfairness. I drop to the ground as I motion my arm to stab the ground. Blood spits out from the ground and I scream, “I hate this place!”

“Oh please” says my ‘mrs Logical voice’, “you hate the entire world, not just this place, stop pretending this is the root of all your problems. Now get up and carry on with your life.” I begin to stand up from the ground when my eyes jerk forward, for me to realise that I completely zoned out. I find myself standing at the centre of the school, completely disorientated.

I carry on, as if everything is normal and meet my first possible target. Anonymous one smiles at me as I walk close, but all I think of is pushing her against the wall, holding her by her throat and telling her that’s she’s a flirt and a slut. Anonymous two stand beside her and smiles at me too. She’s not a worth playing with, this is a game of wits, she’s just an ant that’s easy to flick away. After sharing smiles and friendly hugs I enter the classroom. With a coolness to my walk, I drop my bag beside the table and sit on my seat.

Focus. Target. Attack. I found her. Watch me play this all day!

A story of how ‘how to win friends and influence people’ was like my bible, in the next post, get posted via email!